In February, at an Epic Movement Intern Conference, I got a chance to chat with Tom, one of the ministry’s higher-ups. It was clear to me that Tom was a wise and compassionate man; he had even once mentored my boss Alfred. I asked Tom about his thoughts on counseling and shared my difficulties with my team. Tom admitted that he had never been through professional counseling himself, but he told me that he really wished he’d tried it. When I told him that I had been contemplating visiting a counselor myself, he challenged me to do something that would make me very vulnerable: to ask a close friend how he had been experiencing me lately and if he agreed that I could benefit from the advice of a professional. That idea scared me: the first question would be difficult to ask, but the follow-up question really takes it to the next level! I was not particularly eager to accept Tom’s challenge, but I trusted him and I knew that successful people do what they have to do to grow, whether they feel up to the challenge or not. If I wanted to be successful as a campus minister, I would have to learn to open up.
A few weeks later, I asked my friend Alex those very vulnerable questions. He told me that he feels I am a very passionate person who is extremely devoted to the things I believe in. As for counseling, Alex said that going through that process might be very wise for me because he saw a lot of anger inside me. It was not fun to hear that. For most of my life, I had viewed anger as a beast that I had to tame and keep imprisoned inside me. My negative emotions had always been implosive rather than explosive: I very seldom blew up at people, but I sometimes felt an intense, silent anger radiating through my body. I thought I did a good job of keeping my anger in check, but it turned out that I had a lot of room for improvement.
After following up with Tom about the challenge, I then asked him for recommendations for counselors. I finally settled on Don Diva of the Soul Restoration Project. I chose Don not only because he used to be an Epic staff member, but also because, when I had encountered him in the past, he had always radiated an aura of gentleness, wisdom, and humor. Toward the end of March, I finally attended my first counseling session. I talked to Don about my teammates, my past, and the anger issues that I was trying to work through. He recommended a year of counseling. Rather than becoming upset at how long this process would take, I found myself excited about how I would grow and develop as a result.