“Why are you such a loser?”
How much do those harsh words from my mother affect me now? To be honest, it still hurts when I think back to that moment; however, I am not crippled by that pain anymore.
We build our characters from many materials, but three main ways of forming our identities stand out to me. The first is to create an identity around what others say we are. The second source is to base who we are on what we can control. The third is to find our identities in what we do. Some people conceive of who they are based on just one of these sources, while others find it in some sort of combination of the three. The problem with all of these methods is that our self-esteem becomes very vulnerable as a result. Failures, disappointments, chaos, unpredictability, and death are unavoidable. As a Christian, it has helped me tremendously to find my identity through the Gospel, through the central beliefs of Christianity. So what is the Gospel? Contrary to popular belief, the Gospel is not about trying to do this or that to please God. Rather, it is about acknowledging that God is already pleased with you, not because of anything that you have done but because of what his Son Jesus Christ accomplished on the cross. What this means is that I am not a loser, but a child of God in whom He takes joy. While I still may struggle to find my identity in other things and while I have much room for improvement, this belief gives me a solid foundation for self-esteem.
2015 and 2016 were tough years for me, but I know I have grown and learned a lot as a result of living them. I am now more at peace with myself and much better at handling my anger. I am quicker to acknowledge that anger and to express what I feel is wrong and needs to change in a way that condemns no one. When it comes to people with strong, critical personalities, I believe I have found a way to handle them effectively. People who stir anger in me remind me to listen well, to be attentive and humble, to seek genuine connection, and to maintain a healthy amount of detachment. These things allow me to determine whether it is best to yield to or acknowledge criticism without letting it get to me personally. They also help me stand my ground and set firm boundaries about what I will and will not tolerate. Maintaining this balance is much easier said than done, of course. But it’s worth the effort. As I have improved my ability to stay calm in difficult circumstances, my confidence has increased substantially.
At the beginning of this story, I mentioned that I coached and mentored college students in four ways. I coached people physically by teaching them to eat well and move well to keep their bodies in top form. I coached them intellectually, helping them learn to study effectively and to work hard to accumulate knowledge from a field of interest. I also coached them relationally, guiding them to manage their emotions and resolve conflict with others. Finally, I coached them spiritually, assisting them in processing doubts and questions about God and about Christianity. I used to do that through Epic Movement, but lately I have learned other ways to continue to do what I love doing most. I have been working as a personal trainer at LA Fitness and have obtained a Holistic Lifestyle (Nutrition) Coach Certification with the Corrective Holistic Exercise Kinesiology Institute. I have also been hired as a part-time intern to minister to young adults at my church. I am still doing Uber and I have also been driving for Lyft to pay off my debts. However, in the near future, I intend to create my own organization to work as a career and relationship counselor. In fact, I have recently registered for classes with the Christian Coach Institute to obtain their Certified Professional Life Coach Certification! Classes will begin January 23, 2018 and I should be done by May 15, 2018. Although I still have much to learn, I have finally found my sense of hope and excitement again. My relationship with God has grown deeper in a way that I never would have expected. I feel like I can trust Him again and I am looking forward to see what He has in store for me in the future.